Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
