I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
