So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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