i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
