You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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