Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
