So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
