i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
