ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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