Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
