Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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