theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
