I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
