He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
