WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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