I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
