Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
