she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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