His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize