I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize