If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
zippers are such a cool invention
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
