I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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