Betty ford says i'm here all night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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