im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't deserve a penis
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
