I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
