I think I won the penis lottery.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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