so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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