Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
