I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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