i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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