There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
