also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize