he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Shame - the story of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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