video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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