So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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