fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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