i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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