When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
