We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
