I wanna passion pit in your ass
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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