I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
