it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
