Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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