Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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