i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
