when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
