i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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