I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
