I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
