he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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