Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
