P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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