hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
