had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
