dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
