Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
