i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
