So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
