I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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