I molested 6 butterflies tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
