I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
