barbara walters just said penis...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is this the sara with the beer cane?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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