This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
