the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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