We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
