A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
