So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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